Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
