Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
