he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
