I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
