So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
