i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
pray to the hookup gods
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
