I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
