Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
