your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
