I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
