I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
