I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
