some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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