every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
