Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
