Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
