The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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