I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't deserve a penis
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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