I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
