Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
