Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
