I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
