My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
