he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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