I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
