Pappa wants mamma naked
...so i touched it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
