So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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