I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
