he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
