Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
