I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so let's talk penis.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
