The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
