Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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