mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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