I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
