dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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