Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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