If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
