dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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