well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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