i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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