Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
