I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
