"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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