we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
