Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
