dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
