The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
