literally had 100 drinks last night.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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