the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
