She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
