I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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