New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
